Erase and Rewind
by pratz
Summary: Fai was scared, but at the least he had his Kurogane. Spoiler to chapter 132


Erase and Rewind

**Erase and Rewind**

Author: pratz

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The moment Sakura fell into his arms, Fai understood why he wanted to die.

Syaoran rushed to get Sakura, all worried and scarred for the princess' wellbeing. He was the one who troubled Syaoran. The princess passed out from weariness, wounds on her skins so ugly and so misplaced. He was the one who caused Sakura's wounds. Behind his back, Kurogane just stood, silently watching the scene before him. His face was void of expression and his stare was hard, and though Fai could not read him, this was not the first time for Kurogane to become guarded before him.

A thin smile reached his lips. After that blood-bonding rite with Kamui, who would not be so guarded around him?

Kurogane placed his hand on the small of Fai's back, saying, "Let's get you all inside."

He did desire to die.

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Syaoran came out from the room, looking exhausted but relieved nonetheless. "She's sleeping now," he informed them. Kamui and his twin brother had left the four of them on their own just before. Kurogane, with the wounds on his back been treated fairly, nodded briefly at Syaoran, turning again to stare outside the window. It was dark outside, so Fai did not know what Kurogane was staring at.

Or maybe Kurogane just did not want to see him.

Fai hid a bitter smile to humour that idea. It would not be too odd, after all, to have Kurogane hate him.

"You go to sleep."

"But—" Syaoran began.

"Be reasonable," Kurogane scowled. "You're tired. We're all tired. For once just listen and do what you're told. It's not that hard, is it?"

With that kind of voice that Kurogane used, Syaoran had no other choice but to obey him.

A moment after Syaoran returned to his room and closed the door, Kurogane heaved a breathy sigh and moved to lie on his side, his back to Fai. Maybe it was too painful to lie on his back right now, Fai thought. He could not help but watching Kurogane's wounds indignantly. His mistake. Syaoran's wounds, Sakura's wounds and Kurogane's wound; it was all his mistake.

"What're you looking at?"

That voice snapped him back. "A-ah," he half-stuttered, not knowing how Kurogane knew what he was doing. "You're not going to sleep?"

"You sleep, too."

"I'm not tired."

"I didn't ask whether you're tired or not. I told you to sleep."

"Why?"

Kurogane must have known what he truly asked, because the ninja just grumbled, sounding more irritated than before, and said nothing.

_Why did you save me? Why did you help me? Why did you make a bet with your life for mine? Why?_

He could feel how Kurogane stiffened visibly as he went to curl behind him. Still, Kurogane said nothing even when Fai touched his forehead to the skin between his shoulder blades. The bandages did not separate their skin, and Fai wished Kurogane would not bring up the fact that he was shivering to talk.

"I don't know what to say to Sakura," he whispered softly, body still trembling, afraid and stressed and hurt all over.

"I've told you. Waiting was more painful than going with her, but that way I wouldn't hurt her more."

He hated it. He hated the way Kurogane could trust someone that firmly. "If she didn't comeback in one piece, I was sure I'd have to hurt you back then."

"There's no way you could hurt me. Besides," Kurogane shifted, still not turning back, "I know the princess wouldn't betray us. Just like Tomoyo. That's why I wouldn't betray her either."

That gained a shaky laugh from Fai. "Strange. I think she's betrayed you by sending you away from her." Just like what he had with Ashura-ou. Just like how he betrayed and was betrayed.

"She hasn't."

"You sure?"

"She's still there." Kurogane shifted again, his arm twitching—perhaps a little too eager to pick his sword and slay this disturbing mage behind him, Fai thought. "That's enough for me."

_Because she believes I'll return back home. Because I know she'll be there when I get home_.

That was left unsaid, but Fai could still hear it. A ninja needed someone to be loyal to, someone to die for, and Kurogane had chosen Tomoyo for that. Fai wondered if he could be that determined in his fidelity after everything that had happened in Celes.

He wanted to believe in someone, anyone. Desperately.

But who?

_Run!_ His mind told him. _Run now, Fai!_ But who he had to run from? Who he had to run to? He _was_ running indeed. Suddenly he felt a lump in his throat, making him feel sick. He wanted to throw out, but even his mouth disobeyed him.

"...I'm scared."

He really was.

Even after having to strain his ears to clearly hear what Fai had said, Kurogane did not reply immediately. "Give me your hand," he said after some deafening minutes.

Fai did, and Kurogane put one of his hands, calloused yet so warm, to cover Fai's smaller one and used it to pull Fai's arm to come around his waist. Oddly, Fai was not really surprised, because even with all of his gruff and rough appearance, he knew Kurogane was still one of the gentlest souls among his companions.

"Do what you want to do. Be scared. Be happy. Be... whatever you want. Just," Kurogane seemed to struggle with his oncoming words, "just don't forget that there are people who will be sad if you're hurt."

"You will too?"

There were some more grumbles and half-hearted curses coming from Kurogane, but in the end Fai could catch a small, too quiet mumble whispering, "...Maybe I'll do—a little."

And he knew that Kurogane really meant it.

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End file.
